Girl Next Door, Or American Stereotype??

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To hunt the hunter...

"So, you don't believe in second chances do you?"
that's what was told to me today...

Not at all. I choose to learn from my mistakes, not repeat them. Life is too short to spend valuable time waiting for people to change, mature, and make decisions. If you turn me down once you turn me down forever. If you hurt me once, you've scarred me for eternity. If you disappear once, your existance is void to me. I know who I am. I know what I have to offer. I'm not lost, not trying to be someone I'm not. What you see is what you get. When the makeup comes off I'm still the same person inside.

Maybe when you're sitting at Applebees with a homely, fat girl, then you'll realize how little your world is. How ignorant you were to scoff at someone with true value. When I walk, I own the floor that I walk on. When I speak, each word has definite intention. I have a life, which doesn't revolve around trying to recieve your acceptance.


















Now, if I could only have a life-threatening ghost encounter so Steve can some rescue me. Hehehe...

Dear Jesus...

Dear Jesus, it's getting real lonely over here. Please bring me a hot boy in a suit. One who sees me not only as beautiful but moreso for being smart, intelligent and talented. Amen.

Commitment vs. Companionship

I was talking to a friend last night who has found herself in a funk that I, all too often, find myself in. She has been "talking" to someone for several months now, as time has progressed she has found herself getting more attracted and emotionally attached to this person. She has now decided to confront him and when she does, he blatantly states that he does not want the baggage that a relationship would bring upon him. After she tells me all that has happened (which I will not go into detail for her privacy's sake) I stand and stare at her in dismay. Not only am I saddened for her since this is a circumstance I face on a regular basis, but I am perplexed by this choice he has made. I hung out with them quite often and to anyone who didn't know the situation would think that they were a couple. I've come to my own conclusions about what happened, in her case and in my own.

It seems like every time I have told a guy that I like him he has ran off like a scared rabbit. I have learned not to speak my emotions with an exception for that rare occasion of being completely intoxicated. It has gotten to the point where I feel that emotions are a bad thing. If I feel them I automatically think there is something wrong with me. Then I think, why in my right mind would I want to screw something potentially good up by putting myself out there. Sometimes ignorance is bliss. The conversation we had made me feel a little bit better about myself. Guess I'm not the only one out there who has the ability to run off a guy with a few choice words.

There is a big difference between commitment and companionship. I am exhausted with hearing "I just don't want a relationship." Take in mind, a relationship is the last thing I'm looking for right now. My life is just about to start and there is no way that I desire someone to hold me back from the next opportunity that may be presented. Just because I said "I like you" doesn't mean I want to marry you, have your babies, or tie you to your bedpost to prevent you from talking to other girls (unless you're into that hehe)

With that said, my fear of commitment is probably larger than any of those who use this phrase. Every single time that I have gotten close to someone they have pushed me away. The minute I had my bags packed to move in with a boyfriend he broke up with me. I know no joy in commitment. Me, I just want a companion, someone in my life without having to worry about any looming obligation of commitment. Someone with whom I can spend the afternoon and still be able to come home and sleep soundly in my bed alone.

Granted, there are many, many girls who are controlling, demanding, and just straight out mean. I know guys who have completely abandoned their social life for the sake of their girlfriend. While, I'll leave my opinion to myself as it's not really my business why they chose to stay in such relationships, I still have to ask myself, "Is it girls like that who have given the ones like me: the independent, self-motivated, non-controlling, open-minded girls, a bad name?" Perhaps so, but it's a factor beyond my control.

Is there really a solution to solve the problem that both she and I face? I've tried to develop one but unfortunately you can't turn a fool into a wise man. In the opposing perspective, when confronted they will always think that they are being tied down, controlled, and being kept from something better.

But while you're sitting there thinking all those things, remember it is solely you that can hold yourself back... not all those "crazy" girls that like you.

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Awesomeness

Everyone needs a creepy stalker picture...

Would have turned out better if I had a good quality picture of myself.

I'll save that for attempt #2.

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