Carlie's random thoughts Pt. Whatever

It's snowing...

Crappy, crappy snow.

I had to drive 20-30 mph all the way home.

But at least I didn't get stuck.

Some nice man scraped the ice off my windows...

Only because I was too lazy to get the scraper out of my trunk.

Now I feel bad.

I'll get my scraper out tomorrow.

Makes me feel like a worthless female.

Blech

I wore my lucky shirt.

Lucky shirt + new lipstick = recipe for bad decisions

Thankfully I have abstained from making any of those said bad decisions.

It's New Year's eve and I still haven't made any resolutions.

The first one was to stop being so nice to everyone.

To stop bending over backwards for people who don't appreciate it.

While it is a good goal,

I decided it would be a better life change than a resolution.

Also, I was told that how you spend the beginning of the new year is how you will spend the rest of it.

Well last year I spent it making money.

..And watching two old people make out at my bar...

So I guess what they say is true.

I made a lot of money this year.

And I watched a lot of friends get into new relationships.

This year I'll spend it alone in my cubicle.

Ok, that's freakin depressing

Anyhoo...

Winter sucks...

Winter is only good for a couple things.

Hugs...

Hot Chocolate...

Sleep...

I'll be passing up the hot chocolate in order to get rid of the food baby

and I'll be getting even less sleep once school starts...

So that leaves one thing.

Hugs...

Yay for hugs!!

Speaking of which...

My birthday is shortly approaching.

Which means I should get lots of hugs...

Ok, maybe not since I'm slowly seeing myself becoming a monogamous hugger...

*blushes*

The rest of you can get me Grey Goose.

Yay!

Problem solved!

10:30 is gonna come too soon

Must somehow sleep...

Amazing track. Goes from awesome to epic at about 4 minutes in...

Sometimes easy decisions are hard to make...

Especially when one is familiar

...and the other involves taking one huge risk.

I think I'm gonna take the risk.

Leave the past behind me

Besides, it is a new year...

It's My Life...

Merry Christmas...
I'm spending mine here alone at work. I'm not going to complain about holiday pay though.

There's one thing that I've never understood, and that's why do people always want to change my life to make it what they think it should be?

I like my lifestyle. I work hard, and when I go out I play hard. I have made a choice to enjoy life up until the point at which I cannot physically do so. I feel it's unecessary for people to judge me by making such comments as "aren't you getting to old to be doing that?" Since when is there an age limit on having fun? I have no strings tying me down in my life. I'm not married, nor want to become married. I don't have kids running around to tend to. I don't have a boyfriend desiring of my attention... So what do these people expect me to do, sit home alone and feel sorry for myself? That's not going to happen...

I refuse to be another one of those people who look back with regret wishing that they had experienced more when they had the opportunity. I've already been there. When my friends were out at high school parties I sat at home because my boyfriend of 3 years did not approve of me going out without him. I feel there is a large chunk of my life that I have missed out on.

Now I'm not trying to make up for lost time, however, I did make a vow to never allow myself to be found in that situation again. So people can judge, they can make cruel remarks, they can call me a failure, and I will simply continue to ignore it all...

Change is a Choice

"Don't play with fire, you might hurt yourself"

What's a little burn once in awhile?

Naturally the body heals and where that burn once was a scar is formed, making the burned area tougher than it was before.

It took a lot of burns to get me to where I am today. A rational, independent, free-spirited person. I don't subscribe to the makeshift happiness that the world wants us to fall for. My happiness comes from within. Not the bottle of pills sitting on the top shelf, not the hopes and dreams of love that society clings to...

I've seen it all. In this minuscule lifespan I've heard more bullshit than you can imagine. When you dig deep down you realize that none of it matters at all. It's that long drive on the way home with the music turned all the way up, tears running down your face realizing all the petty things that tore you down the most really don't matter anymore.

I live my life for me, and if something doesn't bring me contentment I rid myself of it. I choose not to live my life waiting and hoping for things to get better. I make them better... I've experienced enough pain that I should not have to willingly expose myself to it.

It may be selfish, but it's healthy.

Life sometimes feels like a record stuck on the same loop. You have to be strong enough to push yourself onto a different track. So maybe I've found a few little scratches along the way but I forced myself to move past them. I refuse to allow my life to be on repeat to that same broken record, the more you play it, the more weathered it becomes...

Made my night...

Ya, gonna have to say this pretty much made my night...

Total girly moment. I forgot what those were like...
Makes me go to bed with a smile...

Freaking out!!

I can't believe I just now saw this but Ghost Hunter Steve retweeted my tweet of me holding the picture of him in Inked magazine.
OMG fangirl moment...




This week has been absolutely incredible for many reasons! *happy girly dance*

Grumpy Bear Needs a Bear Hug...

When I heard this for the first time I wanted to shoot myself... Whoever's idea it was to mix dubstep and rap is a freakin ignoramous.



I am void of anything quirky or humorous to say this evening.
I had a whole post written but it was hateful and I'd rather not display myself in such a manner.

Here I am, once again, sitting here, letting what a few people said to me completely piss me off. I should be moving forward instead of allowing these people drag me into their misery.

This is why I'm my own worst enemy. This is why I'm so hard on myself that it's mentally destructive. These few people chose to tear me apart simply because they couldn't stand the sight of their own reflection. They couldn't stand to bear the shame of their own mistakes so it was easier to for them to vocalize the appearance of my faults.

Everything I've achieved I've done on my own. I look back and every mission that I have set for I have accomplished. Who are you to tell me "no," or "don't do it?" I really want to take off my stilletto and beat you with it every time I hear that.

I realized that I've been searching for advice from the wrong people. I need to gain wisdom from those who have actually obtained personal success. Until you can come and tell me that you have the perfect life, the perfect relationships, the perfect body, the ideal of happiness and success then don't come trying to share your two cents...

This Time I Need A Soldier...Sick of Toy Soldiers

I did want an angora cardigan until I found out they are made out of these...



Precious little wascally wabbit. I would never wear you...

Anyway there's something that has been really REALLY getting on my nerves lately and I am starting to hear it more and more often. It's when people say something along the lines of this: "You should lower your standards, start dating people that you may have not given a chance before."

At first I thought it was just me, but now I'm starting to hear it everywhere: friends and acquaintances, advice columns, other blogs... Now why is our national divorce rate so high? Because of ignorant people like this who encourage relationships, for the sake of "relationships." My theory is that if you see flaw and/or are not attracted to someone for some reason what makes you think that after dating those flaws are going to miraculously disappear. They're not, in fact, they are going to multiply.

But most of all I hear this from pathetic, insecure, unattractive men who have not enough self esteem to attract a female. Rather, they try to brainwash women to believe that their standards are too high and should stoop down to their level. Now, I do realize that a lot of women do have unreasonable expectations. Prince charming only exists in fairytales, sweetheart. As far as me, I like to think that my expectations are fairly mild. So when someone tells me that I should "lower my standards" I'm quite insulted.

My mother always asks me this "What if this great guy comes along and you turn him down because he is not your ideal?" Now, why would I want to date someone to whom I am not attracted? It seems completely propostorous. Who wants to end up as the girl that lies in bed and imagines that her partner is someone else becuase she doesn't find him attractive?? I know I don't.

This also goes hand in hand with settling. I am not the type to settle for anything less than what I want. I'd rather go without than have something lesser to my standards. I value myself very highly therefore, I'm not willing to let just anyone into my life. Boys, go back to the bar and drink until the ugly girl gets pretty becuase you're getting nowhere with me...

I am confident and comfortable enough within myself that I don't want anyone. You're really just wasting your time trying to convince me otherwise.

Most Boring Blog Ever...

What a difference a couple months can make.

My jaw about dropped with I noticed the difference from these two pictures.

The one on the left was taken last August at the Denver Apple store. The one on the right was taken a couple days ago (November 2010) in Wichita at the Apple display at Best Buy. Just by my face you can tell that I'm less of a fat kid. Yay for success!

I had a moment of stupidity and bid on some jeans on eBay. Sometimes I get caught up in the bid and forget to read the description. It wasn't until after I had won the bid that I realized that the "32" that I saw was the inseam, not the waist like I had assumed. So I got the jeans in the mail earlier this week. I get a bit of courage to try them on and miraculously they fit. Never in my sober mind would I have thought that I'd be anything lower than a 30 let alone a 28...

A pic to prove it...

So I guess you could say that things have been going well.

Unfortunately I have no exciting or earth shattering news to share besides that all I do is work my fat butt off.

I have very good news but I can't publish it so guess that means you might have to actually pick up the phone and text me... If you don't I'm just going to assume you don't care which makes me sad, but I shall live...

WISHLIST!

Just in case you wanted to get me something for Christmas ;-)