Leave it all behind...

Women lie, men lie,
Numbers don't lie...

So tonight my friend ditches me for my other friends.
I had my hair done, my favorite pink shirt on, my makeup on just right...
Only to find out that I'm not needed anymore.

So I sit here writing in a journal that doesn't even exist. Listening to music that most would only consider to be noise. Feeling emotions that don't even really exist. Trying not to cry because this makeup makes my eyes burn when it runs in them. Beauty that is a fraud.

Most days I feel like I'm crumbling apart inside. But I don't show it. I put on my little $200 suit, my 4 inch pumps, and act like I'm something important, like I'm someone worth knowing. I'd bury myself in cement to maintain the image.

I was not put on this earth to live miserably. I was not given life to never experience happiness. The more I'm here, the more I realize that I will never have any fulfilling relationships as long as I stay. Friends will never understand me. Guys will never appreciate me. My family will only learn to hate me even more. The longer I stay, the deeper of a pit I dig for myself. I can drive the newest car, could live in the nicest part of town, make more money than everyone your age, give the clothes off your back when someone asks, and still be treated like dirt.

Is the grass really greener on the other side?
Probably not. But I want to be somewhere where no one knows my name. Somewhere where I can rid myself of all the failure, start with a clean slate. Sit at a coffee shop and have an intellectual conversation, go to the apple store and geek out, have a martini at a piano lounge... Get a guy's number at a science exhibit, an art museum, a concert... Not just the same bar, with the same assholes, the scandalous bitches that take home a different girl every night.

I'm getting ready to move on...