I’ve spent my fair share of time on the Internet. I’ve been on sites anywhere from MySpace to Facebook and even went through a spell of joining any and every dating site imaginable. I believe I have a good grasp of how to pick out a jackass when I see one. This is a list of people that I automatically click the “ignore” button on. Congrats here’s your douchebag card!
Shirtless wonder boy
What I would consider to be the biggest douche of them all. Why show your face when you have a nicely sculpted torso, right? Wrong? So who cares if your high school crush married a fat guy, now’s the time to show her what’s up. She’s at home cuddling up next to her husband and you’re alone in your bedroom gawking at your body. Now, is it really that odd when everyone seems to question your sexuality?
Military Man
You know how to make the women swoon. You know it’s not flowers, tender words, or a charming personality. You’ve figured out that the real way into a woman’s heart is camouflage. Pose wearing that garb in your bedroom, show her you’re no coward when it comes to killing a man just to defend the country ...The reason you joined the military was to get hot chicks, right?
Future AA member
Sure you like to drink, 74% of Americans do too. Displaying a picture of you pounding down a bottle larger than your head is not going to impress anyone. Most will remark at how ignorant you are, while the others will wonder what the hangover the next morning was like. Don’t worry, once the people behind the camera cheering you on land successful jobs in the real world, you will find a nice group of buddies at your Monday night AA meetings.
Car guy
Your obsession with your car is borderlining on the point where you find yourself leaning over the hood whispering sweet nothings into the carburetor. Now that you’ve set your car to be your profile picture it makes me wonder, does your car define you? Do you toss and turn at night worried about your car’s safety while it is parked alone in the garage? You love your girlfriend, but don’t let her get in the way of Becky, your 1995 Camaro.
Trailer park fattie
You had no hope to begin with so why even try? Display that triple chin with pride, and when you talk to the ladies make sure you say the crudest thing you can think of. Comment on her female anatomy using every derogative slang term you can think of... ‘Cuz that’s the way ma talks to pa!
Most of these photos are ones that I found on my profiles. I know from personal experience and interaction exactly what these types are like. I don’t need to stereotype, you’ve already done it yourself by putting yourself out there on the Internet. It was no mistake that you took a picture of yourself in front of a mirror with your shirt unbuttoned. You did it because you wanted to portray a certain image of yourself. I hear so many guys that talk about how they can’t get a girl because all the girls judge them. Here’s a solution: if you don’t want people to think you’re a douche, don’t be one! Simple as that! I guarantee you, if you put a picture of you smiling, enjoying life, you’ll get more girls than if you put one up of your rock solid abs.
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