I took a leap in faith. A prayer has been answered and someone who I have dreamed of for so long has been brought into my life. He was like an angel that fell from the sky; landing at my bar from out of nowhere. Nervousness came over me and I could barely mutter out "What can I get for you?" I took a courageous move, and the result of that move was his number. Sleepless hours passed, me pondering upon whether or not I should utilize that number and send him a message. During an afternoon lunch I finally just give in and send a simple little message. I get a response, possibly not the exact response I was hoping for, but I would give him time.
Later that night another message appears on my iPhone. "Whatcha up to?" We have a nice conversation. Well, almost too good of a conversation. I feel that I am liking him beyond his striking appearance, but for his wit, and his true personality. What have I got myself into... This is too deep. He wasn't supposed to text back, he wasn't supposed to show genuine interest. My mind has played out something entirely opposite of what I was prepared for.
One day passes without a single message. Perhaps he has lost interest. Maybe I said something that did not appeal to him. I conclude that I will give this venture more time. I tend to worry about things far beyond their importance. I over think situations and always conclude to the worst possible scenario.
I am shocked when I get a message from him the following day. A message with a subtle hint that he wants to see me promptly after I leave work. My hair, disheveled, my makeup, non-existent, looking like a wreck, I do not want him to see me like that, then again, I would be a fool to pass this opportunity. The night lingers, he begins to tire and in my stupidity I send a message that was interpreted as a mixed signal, possibly leading him to believe that I did not want to spend time with him after all. I want to give up. I want to call it off. What do I say to clarify myself, I cannot make things better with one simple text message? I am not one for talking feelings. I avoid it at all costs, but this is one time I am led to believe it's necessary. The result from this was not typical for me. There was no cruel remark, there was not uncomfortable silence. In return I got the most comforting, sincere message. "Go get some rest, we will hang out on your day off and do whatever you like."
Upon pure excitement, there comes nervousness. With nervousness bears anxiety. Of course my mind is conjuring up every worst possible scenario. What if we sit the whole time in silence? What if I say the wrong thing? What if he thinks I'm trying to hard? What if I'm not thin enough for him? What if I'm not pretty enough for him? What if he doesn't like pierced, tattooed goth girls? What if I'm noticeably uncomfortable making him uncomfortable as well? What if we have nothing in common and the night ends in complete disaster? What if I get a little too tipsy and end up saying too much? What if he doesn't talk to me the next day? All these things and more are plaguing me right now. I have first date jitters time one billion. What will I wear? How much makeup should I wear? Should I wash my car or not? Too many questions with not enough right answers are filling my brain.
The anxiety is so high I almost want to call it off. Make a last minute excuse, canceling the date, forcing him to forget about me completely. However, something keeps drawing me to him. I cannot shake it, I cannot break it. There is a reason this prayer was answered. There is a reason why every time I feel like giving up he pops up again. I have yet to understand it, all I can do is embrace it...
I didn't even think I would ever see this day come. I never even thought I would have his number. I never even thought he would speak to me. This is like a daydream gone astray.
Someone please wake me.
