That's What He Said...

...I'm actually going to pick off where I left off and finish the other half of the last blog before it got way too long...

If you read my last post you know that it discussed the characteristics that women desire in men. As I continued to browse, I came across yet another article, this one addressing what types of women to avoid. The results were a bit shocking to me. I'll let you see for yourself...

Ridiculousness here

Number one nearly described me to a tee. I honestly didn't want to finish reading the column after this. As they say, the truth hurts and is likewise hard to accept. I have this one fault that when I truly start to like someone I turn into bit of a sarcastic butthead. I don't like to be proved wrong, and I will fight until death to prove myself right. I'm not the type of person to admit being wrong. I have a strong personality and a vicious attitude to go along with it. I find that as long as I can suppress my words my relationships are strong, however at the point at which I can no longer bite my tongue is when the relationships become ravaged.

Would a man rather have a woman who cheats, lies, and manipulates than one who knows how to vocalize her opinion and call him out when he's incorrect? I have a feeling so.

Number three on the list goes along with the same concept. Now, I've dealt with my fair share of people who always have to be "right." I've learned the best thing you can do is nod your head and smile and act like you actually care about what they say. But this article makes it seem like the slightest bit of confidence and pride are poor qualities to possess. And to my female readers, have you ever tried to tell a guy he was wrong about something? You might as well get your shovel and start digging your grave. (Least this is true for the ones I have encountered.)

If you know me, I hate to pull out the sexist card. I am just as apt to call a woman an ignorant *expletive* as I am to call a man a selfish *expletive* but if you're going to fight with fire you should know to expect the same in return regardless of who you are or what you think you are...

Anyhoo, I wanted to make this one a bit short so I could post a bit of a sidenote.

I knew tonight I wanted to write. I sat at work for about thirty minutes straight trying to think of a topic but every time I started to punch in the keys all the words came out too personal and uncomfortable. I made a vow to myself awhile ago to make my posts a bit less personal. While it does feel refreshing to put everything out in the open it does have many drawbacks.

I've gotten to the point in my life in which I don't discuss feelings, why would I write about them. As a matter of fact, I hardly feel them at this point. Last night I cried while watching "Cruel Intentions." A real gullywasher of a cry at that. It's not as if I've never seen the movie, my ex and I had watched it many occasions it was just that this time everything seemed to make sense. The part at which Sebastien said "I'm completely infatuated with her... she made me laugh" was the part that really hit home for me. In a way I can relate. I have the ability to go through life, experiencing no emotions, have no attachment, and I pride myself on this. The one person that will eventually strike emotion in me is the one I will end up running from because it's not something I desire.

Do you ever realize that the person that always inspires you, motivates you, makes you feel like anything is conquerable is the same person that could possibly destroy you?

That's Not What She Said...

Once again I find myself up reading men's advice articles, learning their tactics, debunking the "what every woman wants" myth, and most importantly, learning what exactly not to say the next time I have some smooth talker come by.

One tip that shares a common trend among all the sites is to join an online dating site. I do admit that before I discovered the beauty of independence, I went through a pathetic, desperate time in my life where I felt the need to join several online dating services. It seemed to be a lot easier than dating in the real world, if I didn't like them "delete" was just a mouse click away. However, the selection was much to be desired. There were only two types that seemed to message me: the "I just got divorced, stuck with a kid from the marriage, and I'm facing empty bed syndrome guy." Then there's the: "I know I'm hot to the average female cuz I got muscles and a tan so you should want me, let's hook up guy." The only good thing that came out of cyber dating is the great network of friends that I acquired from it. These guys turned out to be some of my best friends. So, unless you feel that you fit either of the above descriptions I say avoid the enticing promises that match.com attempts to offer.

Now here's the part where I start laughing uncontrollably.
Ridiculous advice here
Now allow me to clarify...

1. Tattoos and piercings.
The more I see tribal, the more I die inside. There's nothing worse than getting a tattoo just to try to be a badass. You don't have to have wicked tats and piercings to be considered this so-called "tough guy." Trent Reznor is/was one of the hottest guys alive (imho) but you don't see him covered in tattoos and holes in every imaginable region of his body. If you absolutely have to get one put some thought into it, choose something that has value and meaning. As far as me, unless you're ghost hunter Steve himself, then I don't really find tattoos and piercings to be a determining attractiveness factor.

2. Money
Not going to lie, we all like money to some extent. But, unless you're a shallow selfish female, having a lot of money can be intimidating to the opposite sex. We all desire a life of comfort, but I believe that a genuine woman cares more about having someone that provides her emotional support rather than financial support. I could be very wrong here, considering I'm not exactly your average female...
I know that when I was making a lot of money, and it was all I seemed to care about, guys were automatically turned off. They'd then talk to me later, "you didn't care about me, all you cared about was money and your possessions." Granted, little has changed, my career and money will always be my top priority but when I dated, money was the last thing I looked for. In fact, I wanted to make more money than my partner. It make me feel like I had control to a certain extent... But that's a whole different issue I'm not going to dive into.

3 A deep voice
Guess I never thought about this one. Is it true... I'm not sure. If it is, then why are R&B singers popular. Usher doesn't have a deep voice, neither does my friend Justin Timberlake but that doesn't stop the ladies from going crazy over them. In fact too deep of a voice reminds me of Saw movies and serial killers. Eeek!!

4 Height
I'm going to have to agree with this one. I can't really think about any lady that likes short guys. I'm weird when it comes to this, tall guys are a little intimidating to me. Besides, I want to be able to look him square in the eyes when I give him a good talkin' to...

5 Weight
All the girls say that they want a well-built guy with muscles and athletic physical qualities, so why the hell do they keep stealing my chunky dudes!! Grrrrrrrr!!! I'm a bit of a slut for hugs and there is nothing worse than when you feel like you're hugging a rock, or even worse, a pole...

6. Sense of humor
Humor is good. I don't have one, well I do, but it's very dry. I should have been British. That and I still haven't let the "That's what she said" line die... Anyway, with humor there is a thin line between funny and raunchy. Make sure you know your date's level of comfort with this before you start cracking bathroom jokes.

7. Her past
I guess this is the girl that still hasn't learned from the mistakes she made about the last guy she was with. Remember that "delete" button I mentioned earlier. That's exactly what I do if you remind of certain ex boyfriends that made my life an absolute chaos. Besides, I don't believe that our idea of "romance" originates from our past experiences. Read my "Romance is dead" blog if you need clarification regarding that idea.

8. Smell
Smelling nice is a definite good thing. But I would hope that by now you have mastered the concept of proper hygiene. I hate those Axe commercials! And if you smell too strong of cologne, I will probably sneeze on you. Achooo!!

9. Confidence
Either you have it or you don't. This is where I feel the theory that you have to like yourself before you can like anyone else comes in to play. Part of liking yourself is being comfortable in your own skin. Bullshit attracts bullshit... Confidence attracts confidence...

10. They abruptly stopped at 9. What an odd number to finish with. So I'll complete it.
10. A clear head
A guy who knows what he wants, knows how to get it, has goals (not just dreams) and ambition. I encounter a great deal of people who are confused about what they want. They have no direction, just waiting for some magic carpet ride to get them somewhere in life. Be optimistic, if you're miserable, the people you attract will be just as miserable as you are.

There was another article I was going to touch on but this blog is already way too long. If you read this entire thing you are a champ!

Carlie's Random Thoughts

It's been awhile since I've posted a more "journal" type entry. I spent about two weeks with all these philosophical, psychological, most just say "insane" ideas going through my head. Some of which I posted, most of which I spent having lengthy talks to myself about. Ah yes, isolation has finally begun to effect me. However, I do find it to be soothing. I have come to realize that I could possibly survive quite nicely without human interaction. In fact, I feel smarter now that I do not encounter the public on a regular basis. For example: The other day I had this urge to read a book. Unbelievable, right? As a matter of fact, there's a novel sitting in my desk at work right now.

I drank about 40 ounces of coffee today.

I'm still pretty wired.

Word to the wise:

Never let someone with an anxiety disorder have that much caffeine.

I thought was going to have a nervous breakdown.

I was completely stressed,

however I couldn't even figure out what I was stressed about.

Then, on the drive home I realized just how much coffee I had had.

And since I don't drink soda, I can't really tolerate all that much caffeine.

I'll probably be awake a few more hours.

May not be a good thing since I have to drive tomorrow...

But I have a new dress.

And some new shoes.

I may feel like crap,

but at least I'll look good (or attempt to).

I need to learn JavaScript.

Learning new codes makes my heart smile.

If I didn't have prior obligations (for lack of a better word),

I would spend my 3 day weekend locked away at home learning JavaScript.

And instead of taking the easy route by learning DreamWeaver,

I am putting together the website using code.

Why? Because I'm a nutcase...

And I'll probably get yelled at for doing it this way,

but it's kind of an obsession of mine.

I remember when I first started to teach myself HTML

Let's just say that I got pretty wild with my MySpace page...

None of those copy and paste layouts either.

Really???

My Mac keeps locking up.

It's been acting very PC-like lately.

I'd fix it, but I'm kinda lazy.

Just like my MacBook....

Still haven't repaired that either.

For those of you who didn't know,

My iPhone had a tragic accident,

cracked a screen on yet another one.

I cried... a lot...

I'm kinda scared to touch anything.

I might break it.

I'm not going to offer any hugs either,

who knows what the consequences of that would be...

You'd probably end up hurt in some shape or form...

Ooooh!!

Speaking of hugs...

Steve's back on Ghost Hunters!

Pretty much the highlight of my week so far.

That and getting a compliment from my coworker.

I live a real thrilling life.

*sarcasm*

But it's a drama-free life.

It's bliss.

Especially since my moment of clarity.

Life is more fulfilling now that I'm not trying to chase men.

It's not that I've "given up" on dating,

more so that I really don't need to.

I don't feel that a guy would make my life any more beneficial or complete.

People think I'm just bitter,

but honestly, I've never felt so relieved

and thought as clearly as I do now.

It's as if all these years of manipulation and abuse

have finally been swept away.

I can finally think completely with my own mind

and see things with my own eyes.

I can focus on my true passions in life.

I am so passionate about learning

and discovering new things.

I love to write,

I love to be creative, whether it be on the computer or in the kitchen,

I love to think, to have intellectual conversations...

Somewhere along the lines I lost all that.

I can't afford to lose it again...

I realized tonight that friends come and go,

even family.

But I'm pretty much stuck with myself until death,

and possibly even as a little ghostie after I die (hahaha).

so I best become the person that I want to be,

like myself, and strive to be the kind of person that I would admire.

A bit narcissistic?

Sure

But for as much shit people have put me through,

I think I have every right to be.

I know, I said I wasn't going to get into all that...

I guess I lied...

But you know what I decided would be really awesome.

Getting married on the teacups at DisneyWorld.

I know I'm not going to get married,

so I'm going to have to depend on someone else to do it and tell me how amazing it is.

Kinda goes back to the blog about "romance."

That would be my idea of something "romantic."

Yep, I'm lame-o...

Oooooh, even better...

If you dressed up as Cinderella

and got married on the teacups.

*arrogant sigh* Ya, I totally shoulda been a wedding planner.

hahahahaha

Ok, time to stop writing dumb, random things...

**edit** It's actually DisneyLand where they have those teacups.

Want Your Bad Romance...

Fall is once again begining to set in. The oncoming cold weather always makes me feel a bit melancholy. Cloudy days and bare trees tend to give me somewhat of a sentimental mood, a mood in which I desire to hide under the covers and drink tea with a beloved partner.

I don't know what it is, possibly the fact that I'm getting older, but lately I find myself wishing that I could experience a glimpse of passion and (emotion) if you will. Granted, it's not something I like to admit. I'd much rather stick to my "money over bitches" attitude, but every so often the beast does tend to peer his head out, striking the little bit of inane emotion I may still contain.

I always tell people that I have yet to experience definite romance and passion. My relationships have been few and short, usually ending before any deep emotions could form. A good thing, I say, however, I do find myself wondering what this concept of "romance" is like. The more I thought about it, the more I realized that this concept is dead. I then found myself ignorant, wanting something that does not even exist.

I feel that we have lost the meaning of romance. We have replaced it with tangible goods (flowers, chocolates, champagne...) to represent some sort of "meaning." We have these brief sporatic moments as an attempt to be "romantic" such as cooking your boyfriend a romantic dinner, or sending your girlfriend a bouquet of flowers. Romance is not an act to attempt to please someone else. Rather, romance is a mutual feeling shared by two individuals as a whole.

Because we have replaced romance with tangible gifts and short term action, this leads me to my philosophy that this concept of romance is nonexistant. Romance is actually a creation of our modern culture. From a very young age we are taught to believe in a supernatural force, a god, fate, happenstance, or whatever your beliefs are based upon, that brings people together. External factors influence us, training us to yearn for this unexplainable emotion and our popular culture gives us a delusion of behaviors exhibited while in this state of love.

People build themselves up with fantasies of their ideal relationship, then go out on a hunt to find something that was based entirely on delusion. When they do find someone that similarily resembles the image that they have conjured they then attempt to express all the emotions that went along with the fantasy. This result creates the effect of falling in love. It is when their partner starts to exhibit qualities that do not refect those of this person's fantasy that the relationship begins to fail.

The more I observe it, I find dating to be like a buffet. If it doesn't look good, we pass it up. If when we taste it, it's not quite what we wanted, we spit it out. And for those of us who are pure gluttons we go back for seconds, thirds...whatever it takes to reach maximum intake capacity. Life has become so fast-paced that we surpass quality for quantity.

I have realized that when we find someone we go directly from point A to point Z missing all the points inbetween. We spend so much time and effort searching for someone compatible, then when we finally have them in our lives, we forget the qualities that drew us to him/her, focusing solely on his/her lesser appealing qualities, the things we desire to change. I also notice (girls mostly) that once we have established a relationship we spend the majority of that relationship working on ways to keep your parter with you, worried about the moment when your companion does want to leave.

My last relationship was very short, only about a month long. Realistically, I knew it wouldn't last for various reasons; however, when we were together I made the most of those moments. We partied hard and lived big, then when all was said and done I walked away with the memory of all those good times, rather than stuck with the sour aftertaste of a failed relationship.

It is healthy to have this reality based outlook and rather unhealthy to base relationships on a concept created by imagination and popular culture. You hear people say often that it is best to base a relationship off of a friendship. This works, obviously, because we have lower expectations for our friends than we do our partners.

It is a personal choice on whether you want to believe romance, however take in mind it is no different than the choice to believe in fantasy or reality.

Eyes Without A Face

What if when you reach your goal,

you decide that it isn't enough...

And that all the hard work you've done,

appears to look like nothing at all...

Sure the sizes are smaller,

but do I even look any different,

because the mirror shows the same reflection,

the same dissatisfied face.

I am my worst critic. The things I think others say in regards to me are worse than the actual words they use.

There are cats fighting outside my bedroom window. *hiss hiss*

I am discovering that I have more readers than I ever expected. It is somewhat intimidating. But what good is a voice if it's not honest, straightforward, opinionated, and harsh such as mine. Censorship can only get you so far.

If someone wants to tell me something I hope they tell in the most repressive way possible. The more you sugar coat things, the harder they are to swallow...

Romance is dead...

Expect a new blog either tomorrow or Friday.

...And where is tonight's Ghost Hunters episode?

The internet is slacking.

I need my fix!!!

Fiesty on Friday

All I can say is: Don't tug on my tail not expecting to get bitten...
Don't harass me (in person or on the internet) and not expect me to retaliate. I don't take kindly to obscene remarks. We all have a dirty mind, some of us are just wise enough to filter what should and should not be said, especially in a professional setting.
...Nor, do I take kindly to stalking...and if you chose to stalk me, please do it discreetly. Don't leave me ten messages a day begging me to give you the time of day. You are desperate for attention and affection. Go get a puppy...

I am on a roll tonight. I don't know if it's a mix of the animal print and red lipstick but I am feeling fiesty. You best watch out!