That's Not What She Said...

Once again I find myself up reading men's advice articles, learning their tactics, debunking the "what every woman wants" myth, and most importantly, learning what exactly not to say the next time I have some smooth talker come by.

One tip that shares a common trend among all the sites is to join an online dating site. I do admit that before I discovered the beauty of independence, I went through a pathetic, desperate time in my life where I felt the need to join several online dating services. It seemed to be a lot easier than dating in the real world, if I didn't like them "delete" was just a mouse click away. However, the selection was much to be desired. There were only two types that seemed to message me: the "I just got divorced, stuck with a kid from the marriage, and I'm facing empty bed syndrome guy." Then there's the: "I know I'm hot to the average female cuz I got muscles and a tan so you should want me, let's hook up guy." The only good thing that came out of cyber dating is the great network of friends that I acquired from it. These guys turned out to be some of my best friends. So, unless you feel that you fit either of the above descriptions I say avoid the enticing promises that match.com attempts to offer.

Now here's the part where I start laughing uncontrollably.
Ridiculous advice here
Now allow me to clarify...

1. Tattoos and piercings.
The more I see tribal, the more I die inside. There's nothing worse than getting a tattoo just to try to be a badass. You don't have to have wicked tats and piercings to be considered this so-called "tough guy." Trent Reznor is/was one of the hottest guys alive (imho) but you don't see him covered in tattoos and holes in every imaginable region of his body. If you absolutely have to get one put some thought into it, choose something that has value and meaning. As far as me, unless you're ghost hunter Steve himself, then I don't really find tattoos and piercings to be a determining attractiveness factor.

2. Money
Not going to lie, we all like money to some extent. But, unless you're a shallow selfish female, having a lot of money can be intimidating to the opposite sex. We all desire a life of comfort, but I believe that a genuine woman cares more about having someone that provides her emotional support rather than financial support. I could be very wrong here, considering I'm not exactly your average female...
I know that when I was making a lot of money, and it was all I seemed to care about, guys were automatically turned off. They'd then talk to me later, "you didn't care about me, all you cared about was money and your possessions." Granted, little has changed, my career and money will always be my top priority but when I dated, money was the last thing I looked for. In fact, I wanted to make more money than my partner. It make me feel like I had control to a certain extent... But that's a whole different issue I'm not going to dive into.

3 A deep voice
Guess I never thought about this one. Is it true... I'm not sure. If it is, then why are R&B singers popular. Usher doesn't have a deep voice, neither does my friend Justin Timberlake but that doesn't stop the ladies from going crazy over them. In fact too deep of a voice reminds me of Saw movies and serial killers. Eeek!!

4 Height
I'm going to have to agree with this one. I can't really think about any lady that likes short guys. I'm weird when it comes to this, tall guys are a little intimidating to me. Besides, I want to be able to look him square in the eyes when I give him a good talkin' to...

5 Weight
All the girls say that they want a well-built guy with muscles and athletic physical qualities, so why the hell do they keep stealing my chunky dudes!! Grrrrrrrr!!! I'm a bit of a slut for hugs and there is nothing worse than when you feel like you're hugging a rock, or even worse, a pole...

6. Sense of humor
Humor is good. I don't have one, well I do, but it's very dry. I should have been British. That and I still haven't let the "That's what she said" line die... Anyway, with humor there is a thin line between funny and raunchy. Make sure you know your date's level of comfort with this before you start cracking bathroom jokes.

7. Her past
I guess this is the girl that still hasn't learned from the mistakes she made about the last guy she was with. Remember that "delete" button I mentioned earlier. That's exactly what I do if you remind of certain ex boyfriends that made my life an absolute chaos. Besides, I don't believe that our idea of "romance" originates from our past experiences. Read my "Romance is dead" blog if you need clarification regarding that idea.

8. Smell
Smelling nice is a definite good thing. But I would hope that by now you have mastered the concept of proper hygiene. I hate those Axe commercials! And if you smell too strong of cologne, I will probably sneeze on you. Achooo!!

9. Confidence
Either you have it or you don't. This is where I feel the theory that you have to like yourself before you can like anyone else comes in to play. Part of liking yourself is being comfortable in your own skin. Bullshit attracts bullshit... Confidence attracts confidence...

10. They abruptly stopped at 9. What an odd number to finish with. So I'll complete it.
10. A clear head
A guy who knows what he wants, knows how to get it, has goals (not just dreams) and ambition. I encounter a great deal of people who are confused about what they want. They have no direction, just waiting for some magic carpet ride to get them somewhere in life. Be optimistic, if you're miserable, the people you attract will be just as miserable as you are.

There was another article I was going to touch on but this blog is already way too long. If you read this entire thing you are a champ!