Carlie's Random Thoughts

It's been awhile since I've posted a more "journal" type entry. I spent about two weeks with all these philosophical, psychological, most just say "insane" ideas going through my head. Some of which I posted, most of which I spent having lengthy talks to myself about. Ah yes, isolation has finally begun to effect me. However, I do find it to be soothing. I have come to realize that I could possibly survive quite nicely without human interaction. In fact, I feel smarter now that I do not encounter the public on a regular basis. For example: The other day I had this urge to read a book. Unbelievable, right? As a matter of fact, there's a novel sitting in my desk at work right now.

I drank about 40 ounces of coffee today.

I'm still pretty wired.

Word to the wise:

Never let someone with an anxiety disorder have that much caffeine.

I thought was going to have a nervous breakdown.

I was completely stressed,

however I couldn't even figure out what I was stressed about.

Then, on the drive home I realized just how much coffee I had had.

And since I don't drink soda, I can't really tolerate all that much caffeine.

I'll probably be awake a few more hours.

May not be a good thing since I have to drive tomorrow...

But I have a new dress.

And some new shoes.

I may feel like crap,

but at least I'll look good (or attempt to).

I need to learn JavaScript.

Learning new codes makes my heart smile.

If I didn't have prior obligations (for lack of a better word),

I would spend my 3 day weekend locked away at home learning JavaScript.

And instead of taking the easy route by learning DreamWeaver,

I am putting together the website using code.

Why? Because I'm a nutcase...

And I'll probably get yelled at for doing it this way,

but it's kind of an obsession of mine.

I remember when I first started to teach myself HTML

Let's just say that I got pretty wild with my MySpace page...

None of those copy and paste layouts either.

Really???

My Mac keeps locking up.

It's been acting very PC-like lately.

I'd fix it, but I'm kinda lazy.

Just like my MacBook....

Still haven't repaired that either.

For those of you who didn't know,

My iPhone had a tragic accident,

cracked a screen on yet another one.

I cried... a lot...

I'm kinda scared to touch anything.

I might break it.

I'm not going to offer any hugs either,

who knows what the consequences of that would be...

You'd probably end up hurt in some shape or form...

Ooooh!!

Speaking of hugs...

Steve's back on Ghost Hunters!

Pretty much the highlight of my week so far.

That and getting a compliment from my coworker.

I live a real thrilling life.

*sarcasm*

But it's a drama-free life.

It's bliss.

Especially since my moment of clarity.

Life is more fulfilling now that I'm not trying to chase men.

It's not that I've "given up" on dating,

more so that I really don't need to.

I don't feel that a guy would make my life any more beneficial or complete.

People think I'm just bitter,

but honestly, I've never felt so relieved

and thought as clearly as I do now.

It's as if all these years of manipulation and abuse

have finally been swept away.

I can finally think completely with my own mind

and see things with my own eyes.

I can focus on my true passions in life.

I am so passionate about learning

and discovering new things.

I love to write,

I love to be creative, whether it be on the computer or in the kitchen,

I love to think, to have intellectual conversations...

Somewhere along the lines I lost all that.

I can't afford to lose it again...

I realized tonight that friends come and go,

even family.

But I'm pretty much stuck with myself until death,

and possibly even as a little ghostie after I die (hahaha).

so I best become the person that I want to be,

like myself, and strive to be the kind of person that I would admire.

A bit narcissistic?

Sure

But for as much shit people have put me through,

I think I have every right to be.

I know, I said I wasn't going to get into all that...

I guess I lied...

But you know what I decided would be really awesome.

Getting married on the teacups at DisneyWorld.

I know I'm not going to get married,

so I'm going to have to depend on someone else to do it and tell me how amazing it is.

Kinda goes back to the blog about "romance."

That would be my idea of something "romantic."

Yep, I'm lame-o...

Oooooh, even better...

If you dressed up as Cinderella

and got married on the teacups.

*arrogant sigh* Ya, I totally shoulda been a wedding planner.

hahahahaha

Ok, time to stop writing dumb, random things...

**edit** It's actually DisneyLand where they have those teacups.