Want Your Bad Romance...

Fall is once again begining to set in. The oncoming cold weather always makes me feel a bit melancholy. Cloudy days and bare trees tend to give me somewhat of a sentimental mood, a mood in which I desire to hide under the covers and drink tea with a beloved partner.

I don't know what it is, possibly the fact that I'm getting older, but lately I find myself wishing that I could experience a glimpse of passion and (emotion) if you will. Granted, it's not something I like to admit. I'd much rather stick to my "money over bitches" attitude, but every so often the beast does tend to peer his head out, striking the little bit of inane emotion I may still contain.

I always tell people that I have yet to experience definite romance and passion. My relationships have been few and short, usually ending before any deep emotions could form. A good thing, I say, however, I do find myself wondering what this concept of "romance" is like. The more I thought about it, the more I realized that this concept is dead. I then found myself ignorant, wanting something that does not even exist.

I feel that we have lost the meaning of romance. We have replaced it with tangible goods (flowers, chocolates, champagne...) to represent some sort of "meaning." We have these brief sporatic moments as an attempt to be "romantic" such as cooking your boyfriend a romantic dinner, or sending your girlfriend a bouquet of flowers. Romance is not an act to attempt to please someone else. Rather, romance is a mutual feeling shared by two individuals as a whole.

Because we have replaced romance with tangible gifts and short term action, this leads me to my philosophy that this concept of romance is nonexistant. Romance is actually a creation of our modern culture. From a very young age we are taught to believe in a supernatural force, a god, fate, happenstance, or whatever your beliefs are based upon, that brings people together. External factors influence us, training us to yearn for this unexplainable emotion and our popular culture gives us a delusion of behaviors exhibited while in this state of love.

People build themselves up with fantasies of their ideal relationship, then go out on a hunt to find something that was based entirely on delusion. When they do find someone that similarily resembles the image that they have conjured they then attempt to express all the emotions that went along with the fantasy. This result creates the effect of falling in love. It is when their partner starts to exhibit qualities that do not refect those of this person's fantasy that the relationship begins to fail.

The more I observe it, I find dating to be like a buffet. If it doesn't look good, we pass it up. If when we taste it, it's not quite what we wanted, we spit it out. And for those of us who are pure gluttons we go back for seconds, thirds...whatever it takes to reach maximum intake capacity. Life has become so fast-paced that we surpass quality for quantity.

I have realized that when we find someone we go directly from point A to point Z missing all the points inbetween. We spend so much time and effort searching for someone compatible, then when we finally have them in our lives, we forget the qualities that drew us to him/her, focusing solely on his/her lesser appealing qualities, the things we desire to change. I also notice (girls mostly) that once we have established a relationship we spend the majority of that relationship working on ways to keep your parter with you, worried about the moment when your companion does want to leave.

My last relationship was very short, only about a month long. Realistically, I knew it wouldn't last for various reasons; however, when we were together I made the most of those moments. We partied hard and lived big, then when all was said and done I walked away with the memory of all those good times, rather than stuck with the sour aftertaste of a failed relationship.

It is healthy to have this reality based outlook and rather unhealthy to base relationships on a concept created by imagination and popular culture. You hear people say often that it is best to base a relationship off of a friendship. This works, obviously, because we have lower expectations for our friends than we do our partners.

It is a personal choice on whether you want to believe romance, however take in mind it is no different than the choice to believe in fantasy or reality.