I'm listening to Diary of Dreams and reminiscing, reading old blog entries that my ex posted about me. I'm sure I shouldn't say that too loud or he'll probably block me from there as well. Just as he deleted his facebook due to a harmless message I sent him awhile ago. It's only natural that we as humans wonder how someone who was once so close to us has grown and developed after a relationship has ended.
Grow and develop is an understatement for me. I went from being a vegetarian, socialist, non-believer while I was with him to where I am now. Isn't it odd that someone you pray to be in your life can bring you farther away from the God that brought you to them. Now, I have found myself in that same position, taking long night drives, crying to God to bring someone into my life who will displace this sadness that I have felt progressing for several months.
I have many friends who are non-believers and I'm sure you will all laugh when you read this, so laugh. I cannot fool myself to believe that everything happens based on mere coincidence and not for certain reasons, like I believe do.
Lately I feel as if I can't do anything right. My bosses are constantly picking out mistakes, my friends don't really talk to me anymore, not to mention that if I was to talk to a boy I would more than likely be screwing that up tremendously as well. It's probably a good thing I haven't talked to my family in a couple days. I'm sure they'd be mad about something as well. I haven't really made any friends at my new job. Partly due to the fact that I haven't really warmed up to them, and party because I don't think they really like me. Don't blame me for wanting to constantly sleep. It's a good thing I can't remember my dreams, they'd probably upset me as equally as reality does.
I sit here and blog, and talk to myself, and play music... Sometimes I feel insane. Then, I go to work to be comforted that there are people far more insane than I. Instead of sitting here talking to my MacBook I could be one of those people rubbing on a slot machine all day long waiting for my "lucky break." Fortunately, I have come to realize that there are no lucky breaks for people like me. Work hard to not get very far, then learn to be thankful for the little things you have and the opportunities to enjoy life while they come.
Going to watch Ghost Hunters and hope that hot Steve does something quirky to cheer me up.
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