Of course, like me, even with my net finally working I'm not getting anything I wanted to accomplish done. Instead, I'm once again reading nonsense on the net. And what better nonsense is there than reading horoscopes. Today mine said something about feeling a bit of anxiety at work. Sure, fair enough, I did. SDS crashed tonight and my fellow IT coworkers failed to give me access to the system. But other than that it was a good day.
So, astrology.com, what else can you tell me about myself that I already know?
"Capricorn is disinterested in risk, but more in terms of money and career." I really couldn't have said it better myself. When I got offered my new job, I hardly thought twice about the risks involved. I jumped in head first and accepted the offer. But when it comes to asking hot boys out for a drink, forget about it. I'd rather be chased by a hungry bear...Well, maybe not so much a hungry bear, but you get the idea...
I think of risk like this: if the desired result will exceed the amount of effort I put into such a task then the risk is worth taking. People always tell me, "You'll always wonder what the outcome will be if you don't take the risk," while looking at me with wide eyes as if urging me to do something which in turn could make me look like quite a fool. This is exactly what was said to me not too long ago while sitting at one of my favorite restaurants. Staring at my iPhone ominously, I sat weighing the options which were too simple, but with my thought process, it did take thirty, if not more, minutes to finally come to a conclusion. So do I always wonder about outcomes of risks not taken, you may ask? In fact I do. There's so many times I look back and think: "What if I had expressed my feelings a little more?" Or even way back in high school, would I have got that solo if I tried out for it; or would I have been chosen for that role in the play if I had auditioned...
However, rejection leaves a bitter taste in my mouth. The memories of me taking a chance and failing always outlast thoughts of curiosity about chances I could have taken. In those instances I find myself saying "What if I hadn't done that?" which is a very counter-productive thought.
Another thing, I'm so sick of the cliche idea that people who aren't risk takers are boring. I'm boring but that's because I'm simple-minded. It doesn't usually take much to make me happy. Give me my computer, some tunes, good company when I need it and I'm set. If you ask me, those people that sit at the slot machines all night are boring, they're taking a risk however that does not mean that the risk is any bit thrilling or exciting. I consider myself to be adventurous to an extent, I'll try something until I decide that I do not like it. Once, I drove across the state to meet someone, while many people exclaimed that I was quite "brave," I didn't feel that risk was all that large. Just as, the things I find to be jeopardous, many others do not. Simply put, risk is defined by the risk taker.
(By the way, my Mac thinks that jeopardous is misspelled... This makes me believe that my spelling skills are superior hahaha!)
And all that because I decided to read my horoscope...
Pretty lame.
Oh I finally started to appreciate A Perfect Circle this week. Everyone always asked me why I am not a fan since I listen to Tool. Besides the fact that these people don't realize that the two bands have completely different styles. (It's the epic vocals which get me!) Anyway, I guess it just had to take the right song for me to like APC. Another band I just got into recently is Alice in Chains. Weird, I know, considering my iPod is full of similar bands. It was actually the scandalous bitch who introduced me to them since that is his favorite band. But most of all, I've been filling my head with trance/electro jams this week. Always good summer night driving music! Yummy!!
"Pay no mind what other voices say
They don't care about you, like I do.
Safe from pain, and truth, and choice, and other poison devils
See, they don't give a fuck about you, like I do"
So dark, yet so creepy...
Love it!
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